I keep weird hours...

Well, its 2AM and I'm writing yet again at the witching hour (well, two hours LATER but hey, I'm not really good with time sometimes... LOL). I guess its true that I'm a night owl at heart and that the most creative and productive time for me to do any of my writing is at this hour. I have a dead line next month to finish my book. I can no longer deny this novel, as I've been putting it off, re-writing it over and over and over again... I created a screen play, a novella and yet it still is not complete in my eyes! FML... LOL With all the job hunting I'm doing, working on my personal life and not knowing what the day will bring, its hard. My current boyfriend (yes, we're back on again... =P) and I have had our share of ups and downs this year. Its been very taxing to say the least but hey, we're still together and working things out. He made a sacrfice for both of us of finding his bird of 17 years a new home. George was a funny character, very needy and could jealous easily but he did manage to find a new home for him. We both hope that he will be happy in his new home and we've both noticed the change in the home environment, as neither of us is really stessed out any more. George was a handful (literaly). You know, I just looked back at my previous posts and noticed that I keep weird hours... Needless to say, I'm a night owl! Holy late nights Bat Man! This was due to my previous job, where I worked really late afternoon/ evening shifts. I missed that job, it was a really good fit for me. I'm now in the scrambling to looking for a new full time job. My EI runs out in January and I'm hoping I'll have something lined up by then. Jay Brannan was in Vancouver to do a concert and I totally missed it.. *pouts* I knew he was coming but I totally forgot to look up when (duh, and I'm a fan on his FB page... FML). He's someone I'd love to see in concert, as he holds them in small venues. He's got an awesome voice and cute to boot! LOL =D Well, I should check my FB and Twitter and see what's up there before opening up a new note pad and try re-writing the story that has yet to be told... Peace and good night, Ronn

Jay Brannan - "Can't Have It All " (clean version) [Music Video]

Hurt again...

Listening to the song, "Can't have it all" by Jay Brannan had suammarized my life to its totality. I've just ended another relationship that had lasted a year. I met him by chance and it was wonderful for a while there but he and I are in different points in our lives. I want a lover, a best friend to share my life with... He's just coming out and wanting to taste all the different flavours out there. I can relate and understand and wish him all the best due to knowing that I've been there myself when I was coming out and learning about my sexuality.

If you listen to the lyrics to my previous Youtube post, I think you'll understand where I'm coming from. Its hard to imagine that love can be so fickle. I said something to him that I know I can't take back. But that's my nature, no excuses on my part. I'm a wordsmith, I know how to use my tongue to my advantage, especially when hurt.

It amazes me that the words I use and how I can manipulate them to hurt someone, especially to someone that I know and still love but when it comes to understanding the relationships of love and hate, there is a fine line between the two when one can be easily lost... That's what happened to me, he hurt me so much one night and I didn't understand how much my anger and hate can consume me in such a way that I let it all out. In doing so, I was weak with pain and hurt but also felt relief as all the things that he wouldn't listen to when I tried speaking to him normally, was forced and worded in a way that it literally destroyed his ego.

Or so I thought, his ego is so big, I only made a small dent in it. Go fig... Well, he'll be moved out by the end of the month. He's got a new boy on the side already by the looks of it. I wish all the best (literally), I'm usually not an angry person and I don't hold grudges (for too long and depending on the slight... LOL). I just hope he grows up, he's 49, almost 50 for fsakes... =P

FML...

It's 3am & I'm wide awake, tossing & turning in bed. I can't get him out of my mind but the part of me that wants to let go is being overshadowed by the part of me that dosen't want to let go...

I had some Chamomile tea, hopefully it'll help me fall asleep, as I need to wake up in 3 hours for work... FML... LOL

I still love you but know I have to let you go....

New Career?

Well, my life has been for the better of late. I've not written in while but hey, I'm a busy guy! LOL I've recently got hired at the yoga studio that I've been volunteering at and I'm looking into getting becoming a yogi (yoga instructor). I've also taken the 39 day challenge and I'm day 24... My body maybe a tad sore but its been worth it! I'm totally seeing the results that I'm getting from partaking in the classes.

As for everything else, still working on my book and I've given myself till the end of the year to finish it. I'm also considering going back to school but I'll have to research as to what I can take and what will be funded by the government. =D

More later, as I need to finish up my shift at work...