Listening to the song, "Can't have it all" by Jay Brannan had suammarized my life to its totality. I've just ended another relationship that had lasted a year. I met him by chance and it was wonderful for a while there but he and I are in different points in our lives. I want a lover, a best friend to share my life with... He's just coming out and wanting to taste all the different flavours out there. I can relate and understand and wish him all the best due to knowing that I've been there myself when I was coming out and learning about my sexuality.
If you listen to the lyrics to my previous Youtube post, I think you'll understand where I'm coming from. Its hard to imagine that love can be so fickle. I said something to him that I know I can't take back. But that's my nature, no excuses on my part. I'm a wordsmith, I know how to use my tongue to my advantage, especially when hurt.
It amazes me that the words I use and how I can manipulate them to hurt someone, especially to someone that I know and still love but when it comes to understanding the relationships of love and hate, there is a fine line between the two when one can be easily lost... That's what happened to me, he hurt me so much one night and I didn't understand how much my anger and hate can consume me in such a way that I let it all out. In doing so, I was weak with pain and hurt but also felt relief as all the things that he wouldn't listen to when I tried speaking to him normally, was forced and worded in a way that it literally destroyed his ego.
Or so I thought, his ego is so big, I only made a small dent in it. Go fig... Well, he'll be moved out by the end of the month. He's got a new boy on the side already by the looks of it. I wish all the best (literally), I'm usually not an angry person and I don't hold grudges (for too long and depending on the slight... LOL). I just hope he grows up, he's 49, almost 50 for fsakes... =P
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