Lemons...

Why is it when life throws me lemons and I try to make lemonade but end up creating a diaster? When I think life is getting good and I'm finally on the right track with things, I just end up hurting myself and the others around me. And suffering from lack of self interest, bouts of depression and just not thinking clearly, that I really end up not knowing what to do with myself. Advice and love from my friends is great but at times it just not enough.

How is it that a grown man, such as myself, can be degraded to a such a state of instability? I often wonder why I make the choices I do and it bothers me that I can't move on from this hiatus that I have so self imposed onto myself. What is blocking me from growing and moving on with life? These are some of the questions that go through my head and heart, and when they both are asking the same question, that's where my procrastination of life starts and I let everything slip to a state that I feel I have no control.

I better start looking for a new recipe for lemons I guess...

I keep weird hours...

Well, its 2AM and I'm writing yet again at the witching hour (well, two hours LATER but hey, I'm not really good with time sometimes... LOL). I guess its true that I'm a night owl at heart and that the most creative and productive time for me to do any of my writing is at this hour. I have a dead line next month to finish my book. I can no longer deny this novel, as I've been putting it off, re-writing it over and over and over again... I created a screen play, a novella and yet it still is not complete in my eyes! FML... LOL With all the job hunting I'm doing, working on my personal life and not knowing what the day will bring, its hard. My current boyfriend (yes, we're back on again... =P) and I have had our share of ups and downs this year. Its been very taxing to say the least but hey, we're still together and working things out. He made a sacrfice for both of us of finding his bird of 17 years a new home. George was a funny character, very needy and could jealous easily but he did manage to find a new home for him. We both hope that he will be happy in his new home and we've both noticed the change in the home environment, as neither of us is really stessed out any more. George was a handful (literaly). You know, I just looked back at my previous posts and noticed that I keep weird hours... Needless to say, I'm a night owl! Holy late nights Bat Man! This was due to my previous job, where I worked really late afternoon/ evening shifts. I missed that job, it was a really good fit for me. I'm now in the scrambling to looking for a new full time job. My EI runs out in January and I'm hoping I'll have something lined up by then. Jay Brannan was in Vancouver to do a concert and I totally missed it.. *pouts* I knew he was coming but I totally forgot to look up when (duh, and I'm a fan on his FB page... FML). He's someone I'd love to see in concert, as he holds them in small venues. He's got an awesome voice and cute to boot! LOL =D Well, I should check my FB and Twitter and see what's up there before opening up a new note pad and try re-writing the story that has yet to be told... Peace and good night, Ronn